Making It Easier To Attract Your Ideal Partner

It’s frustrating and depressing not knowing why you are still alone, in a crappy relationship or keep attracting the same old dysfunctional people. The older we get the more jaded we become if we don’t understand why it’s happening. I’ve spent 27 years sorting out what is happening and am convinced I’ve identified the key attributes of attracting and sustaining a great intimate relationship. Diligently follow my directions below and soon enough you will reap the rewards.

As we age, we get tired of meeting people who don’t match our paradigm of what we think we want. In time, we become jaded if we don’t understand what is really happening. In truth, if you look at your own behaviors under a microscope you will see the moments you make decisions and continued down the wrong trajectory hoping it would be different.

If we are able to finally say “no” in those moments you will eventually get the result you are wanting. Saying “No” means you are clear what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. The Universe will continue to send you the very thing you unconsciously expect (in this case disappointment, betrayal, or proof you can’t get your needs met) so the secret is to change the unconscious beliefs and mindsets. That’s what this article was designed to help you with. Now let’s look at the starting ingredients to turn this dilemma around.

In the ideal world we want our attention to be fully present with whatever we are working on – this is especially true when you have plans for attracting your ideal partner. When we dilute our attention with other thoughts, we have split focus and others can sense we are not present or available for them.

Let’s look at an example. Have you ever been in the middle of trying to solve a problem and someone comes up and says something to you and you heard them talking but you really weren't tracking what they said, and when you realized this you asked them to repeat themselves?

Well much of the time we are doing smaller versions of this and don't realize it. Others often see it and feel it when around us but much of the time we can't see it ourselves. This can be thoughts from the past that occupy our minds or things related to the present.

One of the daily practice I ascribe to is clearing up anything from the past that has an emotional charge to it. If you are still thinking you are worthless, get help to clear that. It’s a lie you keep telling yourself and it creates havoc in your world. A potential partner will pick up on it quickly and the results will probably not be great.

If you are still angry at one or both of your parents, get help to clean that up. In truth, people are who they are. We don’t have to like them but we do have to accept that is who they are. Stop trying to change the past. Let it be what it was and find acceptance.

And I’m not saying you have to like it or be around anyone you don’t like. It’s our job to discern what and who we want around us and make sure that happens. As long as you are clear there are consequences and you have to live with them, you can’t go wrong.

Common incompletions include:

• Quitting that job you’ve hated for years

• Stop hanging out with certain people

• Withholding from people that need to hear what is bothering you

• Jobs around the house you keep putting off

• Breaking off a relationship that is unfulfilling even after years of trying to work things out

• In general, anything you wished you would have already done or that still bothers you

I remember when I was first married years ago, I would make promises to my wife only to see myself not follow through on them a few days later. This got my attention. With a little reflection and inquiry, I was able to see I was repeating a pattern I learned from my dad. From that day forward my behavior stopped. All of us have patterns we need to question and reroute. This is why it’s so important to declare what success looks like and practice following through on the steps to get there.

When you say you will do something follow through on it. No excuses. A potential partner will see that you are a person of integrity. If they think it’s extreme that is their issue. Im a stickler for being on time and starting on time. I don’t believe in wasting time for myself or others. I think it disrespects their life. And when people are late for one of my events I think it disrespects my life.

If you are still stuck in fears or issues from the past, get help to clear that up. If you are overwhelmed with things in the present, then maybe consider the impact it has on attracting your ideal partner or the impact it has on your current relationship.

There are many practices that can help you with your awareness about this and how to manage but I will cover that in later tips.

This is a biggie. Most people want different results in many areas of their life. When I ask them what success looks like I typically get a very surface answer. No wonder they are still struggling.

You have to be crystal clear what success looks like or your unconscious mind will run the show. If you were raised with a lot of turmoil or violence, chances are pretty good you will either avoid relationships all together, tip your toe in once in a while then quickly escape, or stay in a rocky relationship.

You can end these dynamics by getting super clear what success looks like and then taking action to develop the new behaviors. Here is an example of a vision statement for healthy communication so you can better understand what I saying. This vision statement may change a lot over time but it’s a good start.

“My ideal partner an I look at each other with a knowing we are perfect for each other. There is no doubt only love. That love evolved over time. When differences come up we explore them. We ask a lot of questions about each others perspective. We agree that we don’t always have to agree. We can come back to each other and finish any conversation as we reflect further on differences. We see the value in not being perfectly matched on all topics. We accept each others perspective knowing in life not everything will be like we want it. We speak with a kind tone. When one of us gets upset there is plenty of grace to allow the other person to vent in a non-abusive way. If things ever get out of control we have given each other permission to set clear boundaries. We always reflect after any kind of disagreement and go back and clear anything that may seem hurtful or disruptive to the love we aspire for. If ever there is a feeling of incompletion about something, we have a process we follow to clear that so we are back in integrity with each other.”

When you have a vision statement like this and follow it, it’s easier to see what your default unconscious mind does. Remember, your unconscious is a reflection of all your beliefs and values you established from the minute you were born. Anything that happened to you that had high emotions you will tend to fall back on and use later in life. The only way to overcome those is to be super clear what you want instead and then practice it until your unconscious mind realizes that's the new pattern.

• Let go of the chip on your shoulder for how many times you have tried and failed. Open yourself up to a new way of being in the world so you become a magnet to the ideal person for you.

• If you want to attract the partner of your dreams or take your current relationship to the next level, learn to be present with people you connect with. This will send them the message you are emotionally available and that they matter to you.

• Clean up the past by getting help from a coach or therapists to let go of what you might be hanging on to. Whatever you are still upset about (especially the things you’ve shoved down.) you are going to manifest more of.

• Keep your word. If you need to change an agreement initiate the conversation and change it no matter the fallout that may occur. While its uncomfortable to confront some things, by facing reality and cleaning up the bad karma behind the old agreement, you start aligning yourself with what you really want.

• Be clear about what success looks like. Make a list of current issues or past relationship issues. Especially pay attention to reoccurring themes. Take each one and write a description of what success would look like around those issues.

• Take the challenge to write down what is occupying your mind during the day. What do you think about all the time?

• What is current and what is maybe related to a belief or obsession from the past that is no longer serving your best interest.

• Ask yourself what can I do to let that go?

• Write down every past painful experience you’ve had. See if there are any themes. Write a vision statement for each one describing in detail what success would look like.

Now take action and notice how you feel. If you are preoccupied with the present what can you do to have more balance or to disconnect from work so when you are with others you are really there emotionally and mentally?

For more information on attracting the ideal relationships be sure to go to and participate in the 5-week Quick Start audio program.