Partner Attraction: Here’s The First Step

When it comes to partner attraction there are many fundamentals that need to be in place to increase your odds. Relationships have many dimensions and many books have been written with enough strategies to fill a swimming pool. So without wasting precious time let's look at the first step to partner attraction.

After 20 years of experimenting, not only with myself and clients, it is obvious the first step is to be clear what relationship success looks like to you.

If you don’t know what success looks like your partner attraction game plan will fail and and you’ll continue to unconsciously blame things outside of yourself for the results.

Notice I said unconsciously? That is the magic of relationship visioning.

When you do it, it automatically “flushes up” anything in you that is contradictory to what your vision is.

Yep! Its the best tool in the world to see what you believe or are afraid of unconsciously – that you were unaware of.

Partner attraction is increased when you have a clear understanding of what it means and looks like to be with a partner you adore, can get along with, meets you halfway, and invites long term security through their actions.

While its not the only thing you need to do to attract Ms or Mr right if I had to pick one thing it would be this!

So if you can agree for now lets continue…

Let's look at 3 essential actions that you can do right now to make sure your vision is working for you.

First write a couple paragraphs describing what your ideal relationship would look like. Describe what you are doing day-to-day, how you speak to each other when differences arise, how well both of you communicate needs, and what you have in common.

Now, word it in the positive. Go back through your vision and remove anything that is negative and replace it with what you want – not what you want to avoid. For example: If you wrote “They are not mean to me when things don’t go their way”… you’d reword that to say “When I disagree with them they are curious about my perspective and use interested tone that shows respect for me.”

Get the idea?

Here's the secret sauce folks...Make a list of past relationship problems on one side of a piece of paper and then write those in the other column in the positive. Then, make sure to include them in your vision statement.

Let’s say you’ve had a problem interrupting your partner when they are sharing. You would write that down, then reword it to the positive.

Examples include: “I notice when my partner is sharing something that is important to them. I suspend any opinions until they are complete. Or Im able to notice when I'm losing track of what the other person is saying. When I do share I'm great at hearing the essence of what they are needing and I communicate that back to them to confirm”

Take what you write down, add that them to your vision statement.

Understand what I’m doing here?

The goal is to take any past blindspots that have gotten you into trouble and put the solution to those into your vision statement so you hold yourself accountable for cleaning those up.

Works like magic and accelerates your confidence and makes you more magnetic for your partner attraction game-plan.

Let’s summarize

• The first step in our partner attraction plan is to write a vision statement of what "success" looks like

• This vision statement should be worded in the positive to program our unconscious in the positive

• In the vision statement I want to include my historical “blind spots” from previous relationships so I can counter them and develop new habits

Now, you may be noticing a theme here in the focus of all my articles.

What is critical for success to happen is taking personal responsibility for your thoughts, perceptions, choices and actions – even if when you were little you got pickled in bad juju! The only thing that is ever in your control is your moment by moment choices. Choose wisely!

Always remember, when you stop taking personal responsibility you’ve given up your power!​

That's it for today!​

Here is an excellent cheat sheet if you want some guidance when dating.